London gay pride and life as a gay man

Today I should have been going to gay pride march but I don’t feel much pride in my gay community.

In fact truth to tell  I have not enthused about gay pride since I chaired the committee in 1980 the then small group that was East London GLF  struggling to keep the political element and road protesting green crusty groups and squatters still involved in the process hanging on to our political credibility and getting kicked in the proverbial“so by the pink pound capitalist sell out jockeys.

So here we are July 3 rd independence day weekend  good old  fourth of July. tired from a heavy week of looking after my aged mum and dad the same ones that threw me out for being gay to fend for my self aged 16 !

Now my toddler dad and wheel chair bound mum both now 86 year old children ! Me the gay boy being the only member of the family to take early retirement to care for them.

Today to tired to involve my self in gay pride, Needing the weekend to recover my self now in my own 60th year.

Tomorrow I will weed my garden at the perm-culture project in Kent. Flashing of my memory brings me back to the poem I  wrote on time for the on the longest day of this my 60th year I wrote how we define it as our own in our bid for selfish possession of our life and our time. much the same as we walked with the women in the fight for our bodies our selves and the say no to body fascism, we fought against the exploitation of the cult of the body yet now it forms the heart of gay pride a cancerous self oppression that we seem unable or unwilling to break away from the pink pound and its devotees seem to welcome it as their hedonistic right.

This is the gay culture we seem to have let ourselves get suckered into the way gay men in particular do. It is why they are to some extent alienated for the rest of society.

As a gay hippy of the 60/70 I wanted to change the world and what it has changed into is a long way form where I was trying to steer it and most of it is the total opposite of what I had as my agenda. I wanted to change society for the BETTER.

The political correct merchants seem to high jacked every think and made it into a cult for prejudice to hide behind same as the fantasy of the class less society. Believe me there is a socio-sexual class war going on and soon it will bust form behind the walls of hypocrisy and may wipe us all away.

The longest day

Time ceases to have any meaning ,

Yet as it moves on and as  you age it becomes more precious.

As you grow older or should I say I grow older for I conceded it may not be the same for all folks.

I look back and ask the Question.

How much time have I actually had ? . The answer very little  !

In the early years when part of the family, the bliss of having no responsibilities and time to play away your day.

Soon gave way and 4.5 years was the count of time till time became not your own.

There was school and home work, chores to be done to help out mum so she could do a part time job to pay the mortgage and so we could have a a holiday time once a year. Dad always had time of his own after work to relax after his busy day.

Soon it was my own Saturday and evening jobs as well as school work, if you want any fashion cloths and pop records. so my time was sold to others. 

Then there was the guys that paid for my time. Till old enough and wise enough to get a full time job and earned the right to twiddle my own knobs 

Then there was the get your own place to live if you are going to use this place as a hotel. Better to be away and gay than stay and pay in bitter words of disapproval.

The struggle to support your self and your others later. Using the sale of time to buy your own house, hold down two jobs or three ! Support your boy friend, girl friend , single mum with children, friends to lazy to support them selves and those who just could not. The mate who just spent all their money half way round the world.

Hold down that job . No time for you . Who’s You any way? You are here to help Every one else. You are the strong one.

Sick with growth now within. Ill health retirement looms. Now may be some time for you.

I doubt it. Now look after your mum and your dad . just 60 years of looking back at all the time I never had .

So Again that sweet refrain how much time have I had not much its truth to tell.

So looking back at life so swell. I wonder if I still might chance some time of my own ! With dawn of realising that if I have the time  I may not be physically able to take it as the toll of time may  have all ready erased it .

So in the end my life and time on this planet will have been freely given for the sake of others, for what greater gift can one human give than to lay down his life for the good of his fellow humans .

The Christian ethic or so we are taught

YET TRUTH TO TELL THE CHOICES IS NAUGHT.

Sad to report there is no mistake .

the exploiter and the exploited .

The corrupter and the corrupted

The abused and the abuser

The used and the user .

All in the time honoured  forms of communication, statement question answer .

I think there for I am.  I think. There for  I am ?  There for I think I am.

I have my time. I have all of my time? I have none of my time!

I came from nothing . I have nothing.  I will go with nothing.

You cannot own time.

So truth to tell your time is not your own !

You are part of its continuous flow .

Any ideas you have to the contrary are your illusionary delusion you invent to pass the time between arrival and departure from places you cant remember to places you will never go.

The paradox of existence defined by the inexplicable progress of you and time.

that never was your own.